im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
