apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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