It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
