How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
