she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
