Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
