I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
