I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
