i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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