So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
