you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
