Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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