k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Holy sore nipples Batman
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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