It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
