my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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