So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
