Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
