omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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