Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
