We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
