My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
from now on my penis is your penis
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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