i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I could make wine with my vomit
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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