Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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