Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
