when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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