You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
is wine microwaveable?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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