there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
