i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
