toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
