Fine. I'll sleep in my office
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
You made out with two different species that night
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize