why didn't you poke me back
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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