i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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