no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
