I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
