is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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