I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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