He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
