using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
