you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
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