I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
