Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize