i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
