remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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