Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize