I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
