i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
