great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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