i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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