then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
