When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
