i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
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