How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
