sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
