I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
