Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
