weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
