There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
