I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
