Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Two words: blizzard sex
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
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