you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize