i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
