We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Enjoy the penises
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
