Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
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